Tuesday, June 28
ask me not why i am online. but i will answer anyway =D erhh. taking a break. yes. very tired. from about one hour of poring over the newspaper! it always gets slightly more fascinating during examtimes.
i finished reading through the last booklet of econs. and i was feeling so damned good about myself when i decided to try the tys. instant deflation. nonetheless, i resolve [why do my resolutions end up getting ignored by yours truly?] to finish all the mcq questions up to monopoly! yes that is erhh 7 units worth of econs. *smiles bravely* where there's a will, there's a way. and i feel so bad for ms how, she's such a fantastic teacher, she really doesn't deserve students like me.. so yes i must try try try to pass econs. more scared for the essay section though. i always blank out and think: huh? what ar? what mr? what's the bloody graph? what are the factors of production? ahh die. yeah.
second resolution! i will study half [yes, half] of history by tonight! i must must must start history! the paper is on thurs! can you imagine if i did pcme like janet? i would roll over and die because the schedule's so tight. at least with my combination even though i don't get a 3 day holiday like her [excluding the weekend, mind you!], i can study for the exam a day beforehand. phew. God is gracious.
my very structured plan for tomorrow: cram econs like mad before the paper. stay in school and study hist until ally calls. study more history. memorise math formulae. tadah. studying with my sister is very conducive because she's very focused. although we spent about 10 minutes staring at this girl/guy and discussing whether she/he was a girl/guy. think about this: a boy's haircut [and i mean boy, as in typical nerd guy not bung or whatever], a boy's face [and i mean typical ugly boring guy's face], a short black skirt and high socks. interesting huh. we gawked from the safe corner of our table for quite some time. by the time it occured to me to check for an adam's apple, he/she had gone.
my sister's friend turned up. i got quite a shock when this guy happily walked over and sat down next to her. later when he came back, she asked if we look alike. he said, 'yeah, can tell you're sisters.. but she looks very fierce.' hahahaha she glanced at me and replied, 'she can hear you, you know' just as i glanced up at him and pulled the earphones from my ears. haha. surprisingly, he's the first articulate guy i've met in a long long time. seriously, can speak english and is relatively witty. the sort of person you do not find in hwachong.
i am convinced that i am going to end up with someone who can speak english. yes, it is very romantic to dream of wordless conversations peppered with meaningful glances between yourself and a tall, dark and handsome other from across the world, but hey i'm the sort of girl who falls flat on her face for a witty charmer. and as i do not understand dialects / strangely clobbered together bits of singlish / other languages [chinese is *cough cough*, spanish forgotten, and i can only say 'sayah tektahu' in malay..], i guess i have very few options huh. but jean brought up a good point. what if he speaks english, is witty and humorous, but weird? she still has not defined weird for me.
do you ever wonder, if everything you ever dreamed of is never going to come true? because, well, dreams are for the dreaming and then the breaking. surprises are nice, but mostly life brings a slap in the face for dreamers. a part of me still believes in fairytales. another, more cynical part scoffs. and yet another.. watches these other parts and laughs to herself. it gets a bit confusing in my brain.
every day is another day over. and everyday i go through the motions of living - waking up, washing and getting ready for school, going through the motions of studying / doing the papers.. and i wonder. is this life? is this
it? just routines and clockwork mechanisms. then i think about the little things.. sweet messages, laughing on the phone, and the look on your face when you're happy.. and i realise, maybe,
this is it.
it must've been love.
5:51 pm
xoxo
